I don’t know where you are or what is the exact distance between us. I don’t know when we will reach each other either. But I wonder if at the end, it will be worth it?
I have been single my entire life, waiting for someone who will know me more than me, only to get connected and attached to people who couldn’t understand me, who thought I was just another passing cloud.
And hence, though I met quite a few people I thought were capable of being loved, it turned out I was always the “second best” for them.
I wonder if you will consider me capable of being pampered, being loved?
Actually I’m worried and scared, what if I’m designed to be incapable of all the “incandescently happy” and “irrevocably loved” stuff?
What if I’m not destined to experience a fairytale?
What if, like others you find me a nerd, a peculiar sentimental fool, a childish immature misfit?
Today the cold, weird and lonely night time took its toll on me.
It took me all the courage I had to download those songs I once loved with all my heart, which sadly got attached to my memory of those people who are no more around.
I wanted to check if I’m courageous enough to go through it! Well I’m not.
You know once I was an extrovert, a social butterfly who had had a lot of friends, but then, I isolated myself. Not because I wanted to, but because the people around me got a happy romantic life of there own to deal with. I returned to my books and writing for solace, but often I find myself dreading the obvious.
What if when you finally arrive, you will see how pathetic I’m!
What if I’m incapable of everything and everyone?
No, of course I don’t think this way all the time, but those songs made me ponder on these questions.
I just wonder if all the people,all the friend I cared for couldn’t revert the love they received from me, why you, a stranger would care to do anything good?
Will you be interested in me, and my life? Will you be caring enough to check on me, if I’m having a bad day? Will you understand things? Will you make amends after an argument? Will you be interested in the books I read, the songs I listen and the sitcoms I watch? Will you care enough to shower me with the love, care and warmth I was debarred off, since eternity?
Will you support me in my dreams? Will you stand by me?
Or Will you call me jealous and rebuke me if I talk about your other female friends?
Will you keep me above everything, your ego, your anger, and everything?
Will you try and make me smile me on my birthdays, because by the time you come, you will know I no more celebrate birthdays for obvious reasons!
Will you write me a poem or anything with broken lines and not rhyming words, just to make me happy?
Will you appreciate things I do? Will you remember dates that matter?
Will you wipe those tears I shed when I’m sad?
Will you please help me smile and be happy once again?
And if it’s a bad day, Will you sing me to sleep? Will you just know the difference between a bad throat and sad mood when you’re away?
What if I’m meant for the scorching sun and not the soothing moon?
What if I’m meant for the thorns not the flowers?
What if I’m imperfect, ugly and pathetic?
I know I’m wierd. Sensitive and crazy. But yeah I’m waiting for you to pass by, so that I can finally get a reason to smile, so that I can sit beside you and actually smile as I listen to that song I just deleted.