Opinion

Dark Reality of Indian Marriages feat One Indian Girl.

Vaishali Singh

Hi people!

Welcome back to One Indian girl.

First and foremost, there’s a clarification to make before you start reading- I don’t believe in the institution of marriage. 😎 I’ll discuss the reasons later in the post.

Well so, what’s a marriage like in India?

There’s a lot of discussion, a lot of drama, again a lot of discussion, then a lot of shopping, again discussion, then good food and loud music.

Apart from this, there’s a girl – who doesn’t get to chose what rituals she wants to do, and what she doesn’t. Why – inauspicious you see?

What about couples you get married in a church – aren’t they happy?

There are quite a lot of reasons I hate the entire system of marriage.

  • The matchmaking process – Have you seen how people chose a refrigerator? The process is the same. 1. The dealer (matchmaker) exchanges the details to the interested party. 2.The groom’s side see the memo. ( Photograph) and decides if they think she’s okay or not, and if the picture makes her look nose crooked/ her legs limp/ too much makeup/ hidden flaws/ Black lips/ the list is endless. 😂 3. The interested party sees the memo and decides if they want to make the deal. 4. If the reply is affirmative, the party sees the product (bride) because photographs are deceptive, you see? 5. The place of the meeting is fixed. 6. All this is a great deal for the bride’s family, because matches are made in heaven and they are the girl’s side. (On the toes, taking a bow since 1778)! 7. The girl gets ready ( no choice) – because if she doesn’t get married- even olayy won’t work/ jobless/ burden since forever/ father is getting old- platinum is taking over gold/ kanya-dan bigger daan then rakta daan( blood donation)😱.

8. The arrival of the bride with three cup of tea. She’s not allowed to smile- what will the guy’s side think? Everyone watching her like she’s Shakira coming over to sing Waka waka- but no she is under cctv surveillance by an old auntyji/ didiji ( who knows- she may be limp- watch her steps. Stand next to her- is she too short? Talk to her – stammer detection device activated. Taste the tea – knows how to cook? Look at her face – makeup detection device activated. Embarass her – On!On!On”

Why don’t we go to see the guy in the same way. Equality eh? Really?

Why do we examine her like a refrigerator? Her appearance, the features present in her, the features not present in her – everything! Why? And even if we do, why doesn’t the girl get to examine the guy in the same way?

  • Dowry – Before you bulge your eyes out of your sockets, let me tell you, Dowry is illegal in India by Dowry Prohibition Act, 1961. But we are intelligent people, finding loopholes forever! So because we know dowry is illegal, we found a long distant NRI brother of dowry known as gift. So we no more discuss dowry (illegal, eh), we discuss gifts. The first question that is asked even before the “made in heaven” relation is fixed in the aforementioned meeting is “What would you like to gift your girl?”

The father who would honestly want to answer “Nothing.”, will smile ( a half smile) and say ” whatever you say, because whatever we have is hers!(whatever we don’t have, we will sell our kidneys, liver, and heart/ we will mortgage our house, because gift you see!)

The list of gifts is loooonger than the one made by the caterer. How else can one explain why do fathers want to gift their girl AC/Refrigerator/Almirah/Couch/Cutlery and cash? Is he sending her to a no man’s land, or is he marrying her to a beggar who has nothing? It amazes me when I see this isn’t the plight of arranged marriage only! Even in love marriages, dowry is gladly given and taken. The groom who knows the girl is spineless enough not to ask for such “gifts”. Slow claps please.

Credits – https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT8Kv_QR1ImWzL-PIbCsjkog4zRzYYXwz8RxS7oF-7b12S3x0WEGczUC9BE

  • Welcoming the marriage procession – On The D day another set of drama unfolds because ✓Groom isn’t ready.✓ Guests are tired ✓One of the fan decided to not work in mourning. ✓The bartender refused the eleventh drink to the fat relative. The bride’s father is always on Beck and call, running here and there, answering to useless questions. 1. Why’s the fan not working?

– Because I’m marrying my daughter to you.

Even after the bride’s parents are brimming in debt, they organise things to the best of their abilities, but even if something is amiss – they listen with bowed heads. Because girl’s side, you see? The Groom and it’s side is never ready to compromise in anything. Groom’s side, you see?

But it’s not the end of the story. Recently I attended a marriage where the groom hit the bride’s father because a fan wasn’t working in the community hall. And you know what’s the saddest and the most pathetic thing?

The most pathetic thing is that the bride’s side cried in embarrassments but didn’t send the groom back. Because they thought of dignity/ sanctity/ who will marry the left at the altar girl!

Seriously? How and why does this still happen? ☹️

Credit – https://www.maharaniweddings.com/wp-content/gallery/erik-clausen-6-24-13/indian-wedding-bride-ceremony-father.jpg

When something bad happens we say “we didn’t know this at the time of marriage”, but who will be accountable if something bad happens now?

Kill your girl rather than sending her with a guy who has the audacity to hit the girl’s father.

  • Post marriage shenanigans

I know every girl cooks/cleans/ tends to her household. Some know these things before marriage, some learn after marriage. But I don’t understand why this becomes compulsion? We do this doesn’t mean we are born to do this? Sometimes people treat their wives/ daughter in law like an unpaid servant. She’s consistently embarrassed and ill-treated if she fails to do any of her duties. Why does this still happen?

Credits – https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQD8zQlIKGIpWbnUIr20he8oE5q0Yjt_7OGF6WDx_g3JBTnbDHN_xIkRlU0Ig

Why don’t we teach our sons to be a little self dependent? Why does he rely on his mother first and wife later, for everything? Why don’t we teach them to share responsibility?

Six of the ten guy friends I questioned casually, said, “Ofcourse, my wife will clean my clothes. Why else am I getting married? I have done things for too long, now it’s time for someone else to take over the responsibility.” Regardless to say I blessed the four, and condemned the six idiots. I’m not against working for your own house- who doesn’t want to keep things clean and tidy, cook for people one loves? But why have we made this a compulsion?

Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe things have changed. But I have seen many marriages around me, and I’m still adamant on all the points. The world might have undergone a change, but the people around me are still the same. The society is still the same. And I won’t believe in Indian Marriages for a long time I suppose.

Till we meet again!

One Indian Girl.

Published by Vaishali Singh

Reader since 11. Writer since 13. Her patronus is a book. She has more books than friends. Can be found in the loitering in libraries, bookshops and book fairs. Can also be found basking in the Harry Potter fandom. Couldn't write for The Daily Prophet or The Quibbler, so she became a Scribbler. Favourite author : Jane Austen

34 thoughts on “Dark Reality of Indian Marriages feat One Indian Girl.”

  2. This was really interesting to read. It’s sad that men are still considered to be somehow better, and basically get to live a life where they make the rules and the women obey. I still see it happen in Western culture. This idea that men are more powerful or dominant.

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  3. Biased, one sided view. I may not be able to counter each point of yours as its a long article, yet Mota-Mota I can say Indian Marriage system is best in the world! Yes there are some evils such as dowry, biased towards skin colour and all, yet this is an aberration.
    In terms of longevity, no other country can match with us. The family system which we have in India is unparalleled and many more. But if we keep seeing with a myopic western eye, I don’t think that one will have a clearer picture.
    Sorry for being blatant.

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    1. You can call it biased. And there are exceptions I agree. But Indian Marriages worked earlier only because WOMEN HAD NOWHERE TO GO. These days people shamelessly say marriages aren’t working. It’s not that it’s not working, it’s just that women have become dependent enough not to bear supression. What’s the use of longevity in an abused relationship?
      And as I said exceptions are there, but not enough to prove you right. 🙂
      And yes. We all have different views. So it’s ok.

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          1. See! I think all you have witnessed is a failed relationship, that is why you are calling all Indian Marriage as an abused one! In Indian marriage system, we consider it a sacraed! Its not like if you are not comfortable with your shoe, have a new pair!

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              1. I think it’s much needed in this case! Differences should be sorted out via deliberations! This is democratic norm! Anyway leave it.
                I enjoyed reading your perspective.

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            2. And I’m not even talking about getting a new pair. I’m talking about being barefoot if you want to. Why is it compulsory to wear a shoe. One is hurting, throw it away. Why bear it just because all we’ll ever get is one shoe! That’s pathetic.

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                1. There are people. I’m repeating for the third time – who are happy. But they are exceptions.
                  And I am not discarding them, but putting my views on what I think about them. If societal norms is treating someone like a refrigerator, treating the bride’s side as the inferior one. It’s time such double standard society is shunned.

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  4. Vaishali I totally agree with you. Only bad concepts need to be sold and marriage is one such concept which is sold on the pretext of glamour and glitter of the wedding day. The case you mentioned no girl should be made to marry a guy that slaps her father whatever the reason be. It’s not just financial dependence which makes people compromise but patriarchy, a society that treats unweds and divorced women as opportunities and but of most jokes and women with questionable character. It’s the societal set up because of which parents have to tell their daughters to compromise. Before getting married daughters are protected, the moment someone says something derogatory about the daughter they are made to suffer but once the same daughter gets married they are asked to endure and adjust for their own safe future. A short life is better than long and diseased, a divorced life is better than an abusive marriage. How much one should be made to endure is critical.

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  5. I am partial to this post. I take pride of my wedding ceremony, the customs we followed and the traditions and practices. One of the best marriage System, i would vouch Indian. Opinions differ.. Its just my opinion.

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  9. I stand by you here. Like the dowry part? The Chinese have it as well. My Husband and I forgo any dowry because we are not selling each other. I get to keep my surname after marriage. I may be cooking, doing chores and a stay home mom but it is my choice and not because I’m destined as a female to do these. In fact, my husband cleans and cook better than I do. Haha.

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  15. This is illuminating, as an Indian living in South Africa we are so far removed from what’s happening in India. All we get are romanticized versions of the love stories in Bollywood movies. Hopefully the new generations will see the flaws in this system and start changing it.

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